why is it that my memories and my thoughts about family
are never positive?
is it because of myself? am I just a bad person? Have I been suppressing evil parts of myself, but they are so strong that they keep coming to the surface
and so when I even try to just think about something which reminds me of my family, I instantly begin to have thoughts which cause me to evaluate their moral conduct and intentions
their value systems
and, in doing so, I find that I have very little variety in my emotions
they're almost completely forms of resentment
and the values which I deduce seem to always be narcissism and self-interest, often at the expense of people's well-being
or, if not interacting with anyone in a direct fashion
sssssssssssss
exit
what were we talking about
we had a conversation about my story with Douglas Falconer, Chad Trottier and Christophe Parent
where we went to the school park/playgrounds between Robert Hopkins and Thomas d'Arcy McGee elementary schools
and how I utilized a preamble to set the tone for the exercise
arranging the mind and the mood
how I suggested very particular activities
and coordinated the positions of each of us
how I improvised an act, a play of sorts, to demonstrate the abilities of certain suggested beings in a suggested Universe or dimension
I think dimension was the wrod I chose at the time
how I tried to hypnotize Doug, and how that might have been successful, or he might have just gone along with the ploy
suspended his belief of reality
suspended his trust in his own ability to make sense of a world
and to allow suggestions to come into hsi mind which didn't require any sort of validation which he might otherwise apply
it was a trust in friendship
but it almost seemed like a truyst in what exists beyond reality
possibly an egg could have been set to hatch at just that moment, an egg which would have arrived from the media of the time
the films and shows we were watching
hence where the "dimension" nomenclature might have been derived
this left him in a vulnerable state, where we could attempt to perform actions to which he would otherwise protest
and perform we did, especially my compadres, who, without Douglas noticing, or being able to react to, clipped his rat tail, a very distinguished feature at tehe time, from his head 
in any case it shows a process by which a human enters into a hypnotic state, even if they are being a part of it, and my thinking is that it might always require the human to sort of be willing to go laong with it, on some level, if not consciously
and that this brings them into a state where they can receive divine information
or what they might see as information which goes beyond the normal conception or eality
in this state, they can see visions, receive wisdom (argue this), and have a dramatic shift in thinking
and that we sort of access somethign s imilar, though likely much more profound (by mean), when someone utilizes particular psychedelic substances / psychoactive compounds
but that we have different pathways to get there
some by going to the bodyt in repeated activities
breath
isolation chambers / sensory deprivation
meditation
hypnotism 
psychedelic substances
fever
extreme stress
extreme pain is something we could add to that last one
and what else.. that's probably just about it without getting aliens into the picutre or something more extreme
visions from God or an unknown entity perhaps
divine energy, outside what is postulated as something to "suggest" towards the divine, such as the hypnosis previously described
but some sort of legitimately substantive divine energy which can produce events or effects that are completely unknown
exit