brother_convo.md 8.0 KB
so my brother sends me a text message out of the blue and in the message he makes the claim that he misses us but not exactly that he misses us per se but that he misses "seeing" us I doubt he's actually trying to admit anything in particular but it is quite revealing, because it makes perfect sense that "seeing us" as in our presence being there in a supportive or perhaps even aesthetic capacity, is what he is accustomed to and likely all he's ever really interested in the same could definitely be said of his wife, if not more so who knows In any case, he leaves a message like that.. that he misses seeing us and what am I to respond to that? Do I miss "seeing" him? Was it ever "seeing" him that I was hoping to do? I don't understand what it is exactly he could be missing abou tus is it that we sit and listen to him and his wife when they go on endlessly, mentioning everything that they can possibly remember, anything at all that they might be able to relate to the words that anyone else has uttered? I don't think I've ever seen any genuine interest from them in years whenever they present their interest, by offering a generic salutation, or asking us "how we are" or "how work is going", it is always immediately obvious that they are simply going through the motions of doing whatever they believe they must do in order to fulfill their social obligations a preamble, if you will, before they take their usual liberties in finding reasons to speak It would be something different if they were offering something as a respones to an honest query that was given to them but they don't evenr eally need the query they just need to believe that someone is listening to them and even if you aren't listening, they'll still be speaking, and often changing the target of tehir communication, so that they can keep having the continuous output which reassures them of some sort of success success at what, is a long discussion in and of itself but certainly it appears it appears to be a chief aspect of how they believe they are determining success for themselves and obviously if it's providing some sort of success, it's not in improving the bond they have with family members, or at least not these ones (myself and my wife) so, what then, am I to respond to him declaring that he misses "seeing" us? "I miss you too?" Well that would be a lie we've been really content to not be forced to drive across the city and back every Sunday, losing one of the msot productive chunks of time available to us, in order to sit and behold their banter to listen to them speak endlessly of what their friends and acquaintances have been doing the conditions of their workplace what sorts of crafts they have discovered what sorts of activities they have been doing with the kids what their kids have said what they have been telling their kids really nothing much more than that, but it goes on endlessly and if ever there was a discussion to be had about something serious or involved? well, that is always only an opportunity for them to tell us what they think as though it would be a surprise of sorts even the details are basically ones we could have constructed for them and if it's not, it definitely feels that way I don't think I've been surprised by anything they've said in years, perhaps even decades whereas, I've seen time and tim tha hte one time I manage to have a halfway decent conversation with my brother, which hasn't happened since about 2016, that it doesn't take long for me to note his naivety I'm not looking to make myself believe that he is naive but when it occurs, it is remarkable, and it's difficult for me to not pay attention to it and consider teh implications One of the only times that we actually did have a productive conversation, however was in response to their endless comiserating We were sitting down to breakfast in a restauraunt, and they kept on endlessly insulting political figures that we have interest in and insulting those who would have interest in such a figure They do this , playing aloof, as though they're not already cognizant of our interest in those things even though they've been told this before and have had reactions presented to us even though they've followed us on social media, and seen the endless onslaught of political commentary that we send out even if they were avoiding looking at our content, they would have seen at least some piece of content at some time, considering how much of it is coming out But, in spite of all this, they decide to play aloof and speak in a way which is condescending and offensive So, in respone to that, we shared some views And whatever the reaction they might have had, which I'll get into, what everyone fails to grasp is that there's nothing disrespectful about sharing views We aren't trying to provoke them if anything, we're only speaking our honest views because we want to respect them in order to behold them with some degree of respect, we have to be willing to be honest with them we can't simply hear them communicating something which causes us to dislike them, and also lose respect for them saying things that we not only disagree with, but that we believe they have arrived to erroneously how do we consolidate that? well, by being honest by speaking the truth and telling us what we think and why we think it what do you think was the result of doing somethign like that? for several minutes, I became increasingly positive about the outcome not because we were "smashing" them, or winning a debate or any of that nonsense no, it was because the act of having a conversation abotu real things, speaking our perspectives honestly, and working through contentious issues is the most progressive thing you can hope for there's no other way to make progress without improving information and understanding without improving communication and building trust and this comes from allowing one another to have insight into how we each think and learning that although it seems we have different interests and values, that the points of contention about matters which we seem to be conflicted over might actually be borne of the fundamental values that we actually share and that it's the interpretation and stylitistic elements which have gotten in the way, which ahve coloured things and forced us to pay more attention tot he fact that we don't agree about something, rather than rtying to build our undersstanding of the issue and learn to improve our perspective It seemed like we were making progress but then I couldn't help but notice all the anger in my brother's voice his hand shaking as though he was beign confronted with a situation taht was unexpected and unfamiliar surely, he's never had to speak with people who hold very different views from him and his wife? well, even though she was (as usual) the one who was saying the most provocative things preemptively, without having to speak of subjcts that we had introduced even though she was probsably the ony who had said the most insulting of things th most condescending and in a manner which causes one to lose hope in mankind in spite of all of that, we were still willing to have an open discussion about things to try and learn about their view and to give them an opportunity to see a perspective on the matter whihc, though it would appear to be coming from aa point of origin that they would perceive as being unethical that things are actually more complicated than that but it turned out that this was not to be not only were they unrespective to our arguments they became incredibly offended tha twe would even try to discuss these things that we would somehow bring the topic forward, even though they had been controlling the topic until that point in time already so here we are, not havign a conversation about something that we all need to better understand Not making the type of critical progress that's necessary for the relationship to be meaningful and reciprocative no, we are to be seen and not heard if we are to be heard, it's only as a demonstration that we, infact, have uniform thinking well, no think you, that's not likely to be the case exit